welfare wednesdays

Introducing the Welfare Wednesday Degenerates…….

Name: Statutory Ape (Its Ape not rape)
Birthplace: Toronto Zoo
Residence: Circus Circus in Las Vegas
Betting Focus: Banana

Handicapping and Betting Philosophy: Quality over quantity and me make bet when I need Banana money

Biggest gambling win and how you felt : Scopes Monkey Trial and me felt free

Toughest lost and how you felt: Me bet friend that “Ed” starring Matt LeBlanc would win Oscar. This set ape movement back a couple years

Historical event you would bet on and what would you set the odds at: Evolution, 1 to 2 that the Mormons would mess it up. Low payout but 90% guaranteed pick. Me hate BYU

5 people living or dead you would like to have dinner with:
Dianne Fossey
The Nazi Monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark
Patrick Ewing
Jack of “Most Valuable Primate” fame
Suzanne from “Jay and Silent Bob strike back” Me Like her.

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Name: Kevin Hardcastle (Mr.Hardcase)
Birthplace: Midland, Ontario
Residence: Edmonton, Alberta
Betting Focus: UFC/MMA

Handicapping and Betting Philosophy: Only bet money you’re willing to lose. Or steal money from rich people and bet that.

Biggest gambling win and how you felt : Bet my future on a career as a poor-ass writer. I’ll tell you how that works out soon enough. Currently I am somewhat optimistic about winning that bet.

Toughest lost and how you felt: Gambled on moving to Edmonton to make some money and not be a pikey. Terrible decision resulting in devastating loss and soul being at hazard.

Historical event you would bet on and what would you set the odds at: I would have bet on the over/under for the length of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The odds of it lasting over a year would have been about 1000-1 as set by Bushy. I would have laid a heavy bet on it going over and won big, but then no bookie would have paid out and would just play me a video of the “Mission Accomplished” victory speech and deny it to the hilt.

5 people living or dead you would like to have dinner with: Ernest Hemingway, Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Beowulf, Margaret Atwood’s corpse

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Name: Winnipeg Mark
Birthplace: Should be obvious
Residence: Burnaby, B.C.
Betting Focus: Hockey (NFL,CFL in the offseason)

Handicapping and Betting Philosophy:
Philosophy #1 – Betting against sunbelt franchises – primarily the Phoenix Coyotes. I obviously hold a grudge here – and this grudge will remain until Gary Bettman is no longer involved with the NHL. Until he is out of the league, I am convinced that these teams are in place to drag down the league. Always try to avoid the southeast division matchups as you can be sure Gary has his hand in the result. I bet you he has some sort of Over/Under bet on the NHLs existence. He’s trying to run the league into the ground by 2015 @ 1.30

Philosophy #2 – Betting for any team or player with even the slightest connection to the Winnipeg Jets or Manitoba. Of course as long as Teemu Selanne is in the league I will always bet his way due to his rookie greatness. The other Prarie lean (notably for this year) goes to the Chicago Blackhawks. With Duncan Keith, Cam Barker and Jonny Toews it’s a given I like the core of this team. So it’s not really a betting philosophy – it’s a way of life, people are born tougher on the Praries and the oddsmakers never factor it in.

Biggest gambling win and how you felt: I had 5 friends that started a hockey pool for the 2004 NHL season.
I had just missed the draft…my buddies weren’t the best pool players, but they realized who you need to take as the top guys. Each team had 6 forwards and 3 defensemen. The pot was only 40$ a person but seeing how the draft had already taken place I was really at a disadvantage.
While generally I wouldn’t consider a hockey pools as traditional gambling – but after paying 40$ after 45 players had already been taken is a gamble where legends are made.
I ended up with former Jet Keith Tkachuk, Scott Gomez, Joe Thornton (Bruins style) and a few other sleepers and managed to come out on top winning 200$ – a huge amount no, but me referencing this story every time we start a new pool is the ongoing payout.

Toughest lost and how you felt: Canada vs Russia in the 2006 Olympics…hurt my pride…hurt my wallet…don’t want to talk about it

Historical event you would bet on and what would you set the odds at: Of course if I’m going to reference a historical event it’s going to involve the Jets. This is probably one of the most historical hockey bets of my life.

I had bet $16.75 that the Jets wouldn’t leave Winnipeg.
$16.75 was the amount of money in my piggy bank at the time the team turned to the city in need of money to support their team. At that point I figured the odds of me helping keep the team was around 1.10…
After the fans raised millions of dollars – the short sighted politicians blew it. Mayors Susan Thompson & Glen Murray are just the worst thing to happen to Winnipeg. How could they not stress the importance of hockey in the city. I was 10 at the time when I made that first ‘bet’, and I was also 10 at the time when I managed to lose that same bet twice. I lost my $16.75 to charity, as all donations under $20 were given to charity, and I also lost my hockey team to Phoenix.

As the years have progressed, the odds on Winnipeg getting a team back are better. Currently if I had to make a line on Winnipeg coming back:

Relocated by 2011-2012 season @ 30.00 (this is a steal)
Or Relocated the year after Gary Bettman is gone @ 1.05

5 people living or dead you would like to have dinner with:

Teemu Selanne – Best Winnipeg Hockey Player, I could talk all day to this guy obviously

Milt Stegall – Best Winnipeg Football Player, he would likely talk all day to me

Tupac Shakur – I would use Tupac as my mouthpiece for bringing a team back to Winnipeg. Damn he was persuasive as hell in his days, and he would just intimidate Gary with racial tension so badly that sooner or later he’d just agree to bring a team back to Winnipeg

Gary Bettman – He wouldn’t be allowed to talk (he would only be served tap water and rice cakes as well)

My Grandpa – He’s passed away now, but I loved the dynamic he brought to any conversation. Generally he talks about his gardening and other grandpa things, so the fact he would basically ignore the 4 other personalities would be the best thing about him being there.

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Name: Myles Valentin (Mylosh)
Birthplace: 416
Residence: 416 & 775
Betting Focus: Mid Major College Basketball, NBA Over Unders, Women’s Tennis, and Baseball

Handicapping and Betting Philosophy: Be patient its all about long term gain over short term. Only bet when you need money to eat and pay bills. Also I hope to use betting to become a degenerate old man alone by himself in the Cal Neva sportsbook in Reno by the time I’m 35.

Biggest gambling win and how you felt: Any time I bet on Virginia Commonwealth during the 2008/09 College Basketball season and attacking interracial couples and the children that are spawned from these relationships at stuffwhitepeoplelike. It jump started my gambling bankroll and has helped me put two kids through university

Toughest lost and how you felt: Betting $200 on the Raptors to beat the Nets in the 2007 NBA Playoffs. Vince Carter (who I loved on the Raptors) stuck it right to me. It was painful. We were the 3 seed they were the 6 and Vince played like MJ. It was like the time I was watching a sex tape of an ex girlfriend with a better looking guy. Sure it hurt emotionally but after awhile you realized dam this is pretty awesome, what can I do. Much better than when I was in the picture, I think I’ll watch again.

Historical event you would bet on and what would you set the odds at: Treaty of Versailles, repercussions to a cause a 2nd world war: 3 to 2.

5 people living or dead you would like to have dinner with: Michael Vick, Vanessa Bryant, Ana Invanovic, Brody Jenner, and Cole Leinart